What G-D Wants of Me.

This is a quote from someone I am reading materials from. “What happened to ‘One Lord, one faith, one baptism (Ephesians 4:5)? How can we all stand together when we can’t even agree about the nature and purpose of the authority of Scripture? Could it be that we are so far off the mark because we have forced our individual doctrines and creeds upon the Scriptures instead of letting the Scriptures speak for themselves? Is it possible that we are so confused regarding the authority and unity of Scripture that we cannot discern the simple truth that our GOD does ‘not change'(Malachi 3:6)?” My words now. These are the questions I have had since 2004 and why I do not align myself with any set church or organization. Why I have studied the religions I have. Why I have been lost for so long. I’m angry at man and GOD but more at myself for letting all this affect me the way it has. From this day forward I will walk my path by myself not concerned about if someone will walk it with me. I know now what my G-D wants of me.

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Start of a new year….2018

Wow….since 2012 it seems our lives have just been going down in a hole with no way of getting out. The last four months of 2017 I started seeing a ladder out of that hole. Things are not perfect but nothing in life ever is. My husband can’t work now. Period. Therefore I have become the sole provider for our family and to say it is very hard for me is more than an understatement. I’m not a people person but with the job I have I’m having to be. My spiritual life is also taking some hits as well. I don’t fit in to any organized religion. Period. I am on my own with this path and it is very lonely. I am really hoping that 2018 will be better for us all. Just have to go one day at a time and just breathe.

Will try and write more on this blog just to get my thoughts out regardless of follows or likes because I need to express it somehow.

So 2018 let’s see what is in store…………….

2017

Of course the first month of 2017 has flown by. Wish that 2021 would get here fast. Sorry I didn’t vote for him not that it matters. I am really concerned about where his mouth and arrogance are going to take the United States. Apparently it was meant to be or he wouldn’t have gotten in. My daughter has called me an anarchist but I just feel like I am a human that wants to live and let live. I am not interested in telling someone else what they can or can not do in their life. There is so much that the government has their finger in that some days I don’t feel like I live in the land of the free. So I guess that makes me what my daughter calls me. Sorry just rambling. I am so depressed about all of this……….

Loss……

I know he was just a kitten but it hurts so deep in my spirit that he is gone.

He was on my porch. No mother. Just a day old kitten. Eyes still closed. Screaming for help. I picked him up and instantly fell in love.

That was Father’s Day weekend.

July first he opened his eyes. He was crying for his bottle. I fed him and cleaned him. He kept crying and I tried to comfort him and then he just went limp. He was gone. I held him and cried asking God why did he die. I held him until he was no longer warm. I just didn’t want to let him go. I cried the rest of the day and in to Saturday. I thought I would be better about it today but I’m not.

It is really sad that I feel empty and with no purpose now. Especially since I have a husband and a  daughter. But they really never make me feel as though they want or need me for anything. I know that is not true. I am just really hurt.

He was my pretty boy. I looked forward to when he would wake me to be fed at 4 in the morning. He loved having his belly rubbed and laying on my chest to sleep.

Now that is all gone and I just feel empty and a lost.

This is him. My daughter’s friend named him Ayato. But to me he was my pretty boy.IMG_20160624_155150 (1)